"Anything else going on with you?"

Note: *If you are unfamiliar with depression, this will be a quick glimpse into that world*

Truthfully, I'm about as miserable as I've been for as far back as I can remember. There are multiple reasons why and I'm not really looking to blame anyone or anything. I don't really want to burn bridges but it's also exhausting to maintain friendships with many people who essentially just don't give a shit (this will happen to all of us at some point, repeatedly, throughout life). This essentially stems from the fact that I have major trust issues with people. I put on a mask every morning so my world doesn't flip out that I'm slowly going mad. The world is ahead & completely open to me and I want none of it. My faith is rocky at best and that has left my heart empty. Sitting here in this void, not for the first time, I'm reminded just how much the darkness compounds and it terrifies me. I have never felt so valueless in my whole life, never so unnecessary or unwanted. The easiest way out isn't one I'll commit to, so instead I'm going to have to work this all off. It's going to take time, it's going to suck, and when I finally climb out of this damn hole again I'm going to just be sitting at the top of a pit of darkness, all by my lonesome, wondering what made me climb out in the first place. So I'll slowly start to slip back in, and the whole pattern will repeat again.


That's what's going on with me...



Jimmy Eat World - My Sundown "..I wanna be so much more than this..."